Value or Goal? Whats the Difference?

As an ACT-based (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) therapist, Values and Goals are the foundation of my therapy work. Values and Goals give us direction, connection with ourselves, and make us feel good. If we are not feeling well, often times we can step back and find where we are not connected with our values, address that, and might start to feel better. But what is a Value and what is a Goal?

Values

Values are the overarching theme- the driving force behind our decisions. We cannot achieve values, but rather we make decisions to live within them. There are a few factors that you’ll want to consider when it comes to identifying your values:

1. Values are chosen, not imposed

   • If you feel like you “should” value something, rather than you do or want to value it- its likely not a value of yours.

2. Values are accessible in the present moment

   • You can live within your values right now, even in small ways, no matter whats happening.

3. Values are meaning-giving

   • They guide our decision making and actions even if our motivation is low or emotions are high, difficult, or painful.

4. You can live within a goal, not achieve it

   • You can value being a good husband but you cannot value having date nights every week to spend time with your partner.

ExaValues have to matter enough for you to be willing to experience discomfort for it. One way to think about your values is to think of the different roles you embody in your life (friend, husband/wife, parent, student, etc) and ask yourself “how do I want to show up in this role?”

Goals

Once you’ve identified your Values, you can start to set “values-based goals” that are achievable! Goals are flexible, meaningful, specific, time-limited, and realistic. They have specific outcomes that you can achieve over a discrete time period.

You want to caution yourself against:

1. Outcome-Driven Goals

   • “I will feel better when X is accomplished”. You can feel better right now, even when things are difficult!

2. Symptom-Driven Goals

   • “I need to be less depressed in order to focus on my hygiene.”

3. Rule-Bound Goals

   1. These function as a form of avoidance or control.

Examples of Values and Goals

Value: Connection

Goal: I will set up plans with my friend to go out to lunch together on this Saturday and we won’t be on our phones the whole time, focusing on conversation with each other.

Value: Being a present parent.

Goal: I will block time in my schedule four nights per week, every week for the next month to stop working at 6PM to have 1:1 time with my daughter, doing something she loves.

Value: Self-Respect

Goal: Tonight I will call my friend who insulted me the other day and tell them how they hurt my feelings and set a boundary using the DEAR MAN skill.

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Now that you’ve learned the difference between a Value and a Goal, see if you can take some time to identify some values and goals of your own! When you set those goals, get to work achieving them and notice how much better you feel when you are living within your Values!