How to Regulate Dysregulation Inside Ourselves When the World Around Us is Burning
Ok so first off we need to agree that being dysregulated when the world looks the way it does right now makes a whole lot of sense. We are in a constant onslaught of the 24hr news cycle constantly pumping trauma after trauma at us, with videos and images of people being murdered in Minneapolis neighborhoods peppered between our friend’s pictures of their new babies, puppy videos, and Traitors memes (justice for Porsha).
Our brains are not designed to understand, let alone easily process these experiences and then be expected to just return to work after our lunch breaks. All of that is to say, if you’re struggling right now- that is completely understandable. This post is by no means meant to set the expectation that you shouldn’t feel this way or that you are somehow abnormal because you’re struggling to regulate. Your body is having a normal response to abnormal circumstances. I hope that this post can at least give you some degree of help throughout this difficult time.
For starters it's important to recognize what “regulated” means, looks like, and feels like in our bodies. Unfortunately, “regulated” has become synonymous with “calm”, “quiet”, and “still”. While this can feel regulating for some, it's important we acknowledge that the freeze response is also often calm, quiet, and still. So for some people, this limited understanding of what regulated means can actually be a way their nervous system has learned to respond to trauma. Their nervous system is sending the message that they are still at risk, when the world around them sees them as regulated.
It's also valuable to remember that calm, quiet, and still is not the only way your nervous system is going to learn it is safe. Social engagement and connection with others and yourself are also indicators to your nervous system that you are safe. When I am able to laugh, be goofy, experience pleasure, and connect it tells my body and brain that I am safe enough to allow myself to enjoy this moment. We want to understand nervous regulation as having two main components: rest and engagement.
Accessing Rest
In order to access rest we need to understand where our nervous system is at in the moment. Is my nervous system excessively activated (hyperarousal), which might look like high anxiety, difficulty sitting still, racing thoughts, increased heart rate, hyperventilation, heaviness in your chest, or feeling like you have a lot of excess energy. Or, is my nervous system excessively deactivated (hypoarousal), which might look like significantly low energy and motivation, depressed mood, feeling numbed emotional and in your body, or fogginess in your head. When you can identify where your nervous system is, then you can take steps to move towards rest.
If my nervous system is excessively activated I can:
Intentionally slow down my breathing
Use my senses to ground into my surroundings
Apply pressure to my body (using a weighted blanket)
Engaging with slow, purposeful movement such as going on a walk or mindfully cleaning up the house
Listen to calm, slow music
While I am engaging in these activities, I can say to myself: “We can slow down. It is safe enough to slow down for now. I can be in the moment”
If my nervous system is excessively deactivated I can:
Engage with cold temperatures to increase blood flow- a cold shower or splashing cold water on my face, drinking a cold drink, stepping outside in the winter and taking a deep breath
Do some gentle stretching of different regions of my body to feel more present in my body
Listen to music that is more upbeat and positive
Engage in more intense forms of exercise (which is defined by you, no one else), so going for a run, doing some jumping jacks, or taking a brisk walk with your dog
Fueling your body with your favorite foods and drinks
While I am engaged in these activities, I can say to myself: “It is safe to be present. I can be present right now. It is safe enough to engage with my life and body.”
When I feel like I have brought my nervous system back into its window of tolerance, I can then engage in restful activities that might include:
Taking a break from social media
Getting into my most comfortable clothes and sitting with my dog on the couch
Turning off work notifications
Going out to dinner or ordering in with a close friend
Setting limits on how much news you consume or how much you discuss it with friends/family
Prioritize a regular sleep schedule
Meditation or yoga
Allowing yourself time to grieve
Accessing Engagement
The other factor in nervous system regulation is engagement with yourself and others. Social connection is a core human need. It tells us that we are not alone, which is crucial during difficult and uncertain times. Laughter, play, and silliness ground us back into a more innocent and authentic version of ourselves and can give us a reprieve in chaos.
Laughter and social connection has biological impacts as well, lowering the stress hormone, cortisol and increasing the positive hormones of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. When we co-regulate with safe people, it brings our nervous system out of fight/flight/freeze and allows us to access our logical and rational brain. This also calms the body’s physiological experience so those feelings of high blood pressure, hyperventilation, tension, or numbness and fogginess will reduce and go away.
Social engagement also sends the message to our nervous system that we are safe. When we are able to laugh, play, and feel joy it reinforces the message that we are at least safe enough right now to experience those positive feelings. When we are in immediate danger, we aren’t safe enough to let down our guards to feel positive emotions.
Ways to engage with others and ourselves could be:
Planning a game night or movie night with close friends
Talking about light-hearted and funny things instead of the hard stuff
Sending funny memes to each other
Going dancing
Engaging with creativity such as painting, drawing, building something, decorating, and/or crafts
Playing with your pet
Trying something new like a cooking class or glass blowing
Engaging with joyful movement, however that looks to you
Revisiting things you loved as a child
As I said at the start of this post- being dysregulated, not feeling safe, being scared, and finding yourself preoccupied with the collective trauma our world is experiencing is a totally normal reaction. And while it may not seem possible or even appropriate, it is essential to allow ourselves to regulate our nervous systems in authentic ways, even if it is brief. Looking at ways to access both rest and engagement can help buffer you from the immense impacts of the traumatic events we are facing, protecting you psychologically.
It is not wrong or immoral to give yourself breathers and to feel lightness during this time. You can remind yourself that you will come back to the importance of these events and that you cannot fully show up in them if you have completely depleted your ability to cope.
